Uniqueness ?
Oct/092
Friend: I have a hole in my ass that proves how hard it is to manage matlab enterprise!
Me: Everybody has a hole in their ass…
Female Charm doesn't always work!
Sep/090
So today me and a group of friends were going to a dinner at another friend’s place and we had to take the train because its half an hour from Edinburgh.
We had to wait for someone so we split the group, half left and the other waited for her. The host told us that we don’t have to wait for the other train in half hour, instead take another train to a nearby village and then they will pick us up, it won’t matter because the cost is the same and the ticket guy wont mind.
I wasn’t liking it very much , so the girls ( the 4 left were me and 3 lovely girls) told me oh just sit when the ticket guy comes in, don’t say anything and we will use our female charm to fix everything.
We sat down, I couldn’t sit next to them (no space), so I sat on the other side of the aisle.
Just 5 mins before we arrive at our destination the guy came in asking for tickets, the row in front of me didn’t have any and bought them on the fly, while he was fixing them the tickets, I flashed him my ticket and he said okay.But when he reached the girls, the charm didn’t work, he made them pay 80p each which is like $1.10 or something, it was hilarious , I was looking at the girls behind the guy’s shoulder and grinning!
Priceless 
Business… :P
Aug/090
12:30 < Friend> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjE0Kdfos4Y
12:30 < Friend> must see
12:31 < Friend> till the end
12:34 < Me> wtf???
12:35 < Me> I can imagine lots of uses…
12:35 < Me> put a bird next to an orgy
12:35 < Me> let it learn
12:35 < Me> lol
12:35 < Friend> ok i knew you would suggest something like that
12:36 < Friend> now imagine we buy like 20 of those birds, and run a phone
sex business
12:36 < Friend> fuckin amazing
12:36 < Me> LOL
hehe
Aug/092
me: my old laptop died
Sent at 10:36 PM on Wednesday
Friend: hmm not good
me: yep
sux
Friend: that was your only pc there?
me: obviously not…
Spooning
Jul/091
So yesterday at like 2 am sleepless sitting in bed, decided to turn on the TV.While I was flipping between channels I landed on the E! channel which had a show about celebrities in swimsuit. What can I say… I just love bikinis .
I continued watching, and to please the female audience they had to show some males in swimsuits, so one of them was Jake Gyllenhaal and as an introduction they listed a few things he did and one of them “spooning with Heath Ledger”, which was translated in the Arabic subtitles as “tanawala el ta3am ma3a Heath Ledger” (he had food with Heath Ledger)…
yep… retardation at its best…
Mashed Potatoes
May/091
So was in the mood for mashed potatoes, but really hating peeling the potatoes.My urge for food was bigger than my Laziness, so I peeled a few, cut them into small pieces, put them in the food processor, added the oil, and started it.
it wasn’t getting mashed properly and i was wondering why, did you notice what was missing in the sequence I wrote above?
I forgot to cook them….
yep I am stupid…
Caffeine…
Apr/091
You know you had too much caffeine and lack of sleep when a friend tells you that he went to a karaoke pub, and you read karaoke as bukkake.
Confusing potatoes…
Apr/093
[20:23:01] Kodder: oh well
[20:23:02] Kodder: 
[20:24:16] Kodder: put the meat back in the fridge
[20:24:22] Kodder: in the mood for some potatoes
[20:24:39] Lucy: oooh yummeh
[20:24:41] Kodder: yep
[20:24:46] Lucy: i had pizza earlier
[20:24:47] Kodder: got those frozen oven ones
[20:25:01] Lucy: ….frozen oven potatoes?
[20:25:05] Kodder: yep
[20:25:11] Lucy: …like chips you mean?
[20:25:15] Kodder: yeah
[20:25:16] Kodder: lol
[20:25:20] Lucy: good
[20:25:25] Lucy: got so confused then
[20:25:41] Kodder: still dont have the habit of calling them chips
[20:25:47] Kodder: they all potatoes to me.
[20:33:54] Lucy: hahaha
[20:34:01] Kodder:
[20:34:16] Kodder: well they are
[20:34:19] Lucy: true
[20:35:19] Kodder: had to go the check the bag
[20:35:22] Kodder: yep : oven chips
[20:35:23] Kodder:
[20:35:32] Kodder: so what’s the difference?
[20:35:44] Lucy: between potatoes and chips?
[20:35:48] Kodder: yeah
[20:35:52] Kodder: just the shape?
[20:35:59] Lucy: potatoes are like the whole potato i guess
[20:36:04] Kodder: okie hehe
[20:36:07] Lucy: you know. no-one has ever asked me this before
[20:36:09] Lucy: wait
[20:36:12] Kodder: lol
[20:36:14] Lucy: you don’t call crisps chips do you?
[20:36:18] Kodder: yep we do
[20:36:25] Kodder: crips and chips
[20:36:28] Kodder: chips are fries
[20:36:37] Lucy: no i mean
[20:36:40] Kodder: and we have baked potatoes
[20:36:44] Lucy: crisps potatos
[20:36:45] Lucy: i mistyped it
[20:36:51] Kodder: no I call them chips
[20:37:09] Kodder: american terminology
[20:37:09] Lucy: so why do you call chips/fries potatoes?
[20:37:28] Kodder: coz they are fried
[20:37:33] Lucy: no i know
[20:37:39] Lucy: i get why you call them fries
[20:37:46] Lucy: but why do you call the things you have there potatoes?
[20:37:52] Kodder: lol
[20:37:56] Kodder: this is sooo confusing
[20:37:56] Kodder: lol
[20:37:59] Lucy: i know!
[20:38:01] Lucy: let’s stop it now
[20:38:01] Lucy: my brain hurts
[20:38:03] Kodder: yep
[20:38:05] Kodder: hahah
[20:38:18] Kodder: I am soooo saving this and posting on my blog…
[20:38:21] Kodder: will change your name.
[20:38:30] Kodder: to protect privacy
Humane!
Oct/086
I got a mouse in my flat, my first mouse ever in Edinburgh for 2 years 1 month that I have been living here, which is by Edinburgh standards quiet amazing since I hear people having not just 1 mouse, but whole families of mice that live with them in “harmony”.
So I went to buy some traps, and got impressed by those high frequency noise emitters, after all they are expensive so they have to work! next morning I saw the fucker having a walk next to one.So today I went and bought some humane trap,basicaly its a tube that closes shut when a mouse enters, in the hope of releasing back to the “wild”.
Now the most funny thing, on the intructions paper it says that I should check the traps at least once every 6 hours to avoid distress to any captured mouse; here I was laughing my ass off: avoid distress to a mouse!!!! , that’s just hilarious, correct me if I am wrong, but now in the UK they can withhold a guy for 42 days without any charges what’s so ever…distress to a mouse…give me a fucking break!
Lebanon vs Israel (food wise!)
Oct/084
We middle eastern just love to fight, and if we don’t fight using missiles and cluster bombs we find something else to fight about.
I was just reading some hilarious that some Lebanese union wants to sue Israel for stealing Lebanese food and market it as their own , as their own cuisine.At first glance you would think , yeah! in what right they do that?? we should sue their asses! the argument is that we Lebanese have been cooking these dishes for hundreds of years before even israel existed!
And there’s the fucking problem!! Lebanon is 5 years older than israel!!! Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Palestine have been more or less counted as one unit for thousand of years! the Levant! we have the same food, the same culture, the same habits, and if you really want to dig it up, almost the same language etymology wise.What we cook, is that what all those newly found countries cook! the difference is a bit of extra salt here, a bit less of pepper there, one ingredient more or less just to reflect a certain area, I mean even in Lebanon kebbeh of the north is different than kebbeh of the south! the only truly dish that came 100% from the current lebanese with its current borders is the tabouleh! I am not sure about the baba ghanooj. But humus , falafel, shawarma, sheesh tawoo2 etc. are not a Lebanese invention! its something from the whole area!!!!
But hey at least we make them the best, and no body can deny that!
He’s ALIVE!!!!
Jun/088
I was putting on my clothes today fast so I can join a friend of mine in the pub to watch Holland vs Italy’s game on big screens while we drink beer, and jut before I leave I start hearing someone shouting:HELLO! Anybody there??!!! Wissam??!!!!.
It was weird, the voice sounded muffeled, far, I tried to track the voice, but couldn’t, I checked the windows, maybe someone screaming to me from outside, and suddenly I realised that the sound is coming from my pants!!!! Gahh, I got scared!! my penis wants to talk!!!! I have been trying to avoid that for years, how can I explain all the abuse, the beating, the strangeling, shoving him into dark moist places!!! I wanted to hide!
Thankfully it was just my friend, while I tied my shoe laces, apparently the phone dialed the last number called…
Coincidence?
Dec/072
So in Scotland I have been told that I look like :
1) Jerry Seinfeld
2) Zach Braff
3)David Schwimmer
4)Sasha Baron Cohen
Do you see anything in common? interesting eh?
The funny thing, I don’t look like any of them
Its good to be born
Nov/070
Its amazing how people make birth as something beautiful , divine, sacred… the reality is far from it.
Imagine you are still an unborn baby, you are cramped in place that had your curled up to fit, you are always moving around and you don’t know why, you are in a prison for 9 months, you hear faint noises from your under-liquid prison and you have no clue what is going on. Man that is even worse than solitary in prison, at least they get to go out and work 15 mins a week or something like that…
At birth it does not become any better at all, you are being squeezed by powerful muscles all around you, you feel weird moving, and at the same time you hear your mother screaming and most probably insulting every one around her, and if she is an aggressive woman she probably crushed her husband’s hand who is there with her for “support”.
When you start coming out you are surrounded by blood, placenta, plasma and other very
“sacred” and “beautiful”stuff, oh and you pass centimeters from your mother’s excrements (if you people did not know: most women defecate during birth).
After one last crushing push, you are out surrounded by people wearing white from top to bottom with their face hidden looking like a mummy and the first thing they do is hold you upside down and give you a spanking (as a punishment for being born)they talking out very loud, cleaning you with a towel from all the “nice stuff” that you came in contact with on your way out.
The following few days would be hell, your skin is too sensitive but everyone tries to hold you, your eyes start opening for the first time and the light hurts your eyes, the only good thing is that you would be planted most of time in front of breasts, unfortunately they are your mother’s …
After few days where you start getting used to all the overloading of your senses, if you are a boy and you happened to be born in a brainwashed country where the penis is considered unpure in its natural state, you go back to the same place where you are born , where you see the same person wearing white, but this time instead of just spanking you, he cuts your most sensitive place with a scalpel without anesthetic to the satisfaction of your brainwashed society.
Its Good to be Born…
The woman’s pocket
Sep/070
The woman’s pocket is a peculiarity of the male physiognomy that appears at puberty, which is basically a side pocket in the male intestines that is meant to do one thing: Store farts when a woman is within the range of a 10 meters radius.
Basically the pocket stores farts that every man, being gentleman and all, restricts his usual body functions that are usually let out freely around other males, and in some instants around females if a sufficient amount of alcohol is consumed.
Every male should exercise using more of the woman’s pocket, because the more it used the bigger it is and the more farts it can store, as farting excessively around females might driving them away.If everything else fails use a brandy cork ….
What kinda music do you listen to?
Apr/070
While I was listening to Metallica, I remembered something that happened with me and my first GF…
She got to my home for the first time, we were both in my room, I was pretty shy then, so she was like hey what kinda music do you listen to? and of course like most rebel kids in the 90s I used to be a total metal head (umm still am ), I had ever album that Metallica had , So of course I had to put some…
And the funny thing the first song was Garage Inc, CD1, Track 5. If you know your Metallica well you would know its: “Die Die, My Darling”
Needless to say, we didn’t last long…
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